Tag Archives: humor

Tricky Dick

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That’s Rough Riding

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ICH BIN EIN SEQUEL

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Fighting Terror with Terror

I can’t help but kick off my month long celebration of Hallowe’en a little early (technically I celebrate 33 days of Hallowe’en, counting Nov. 1st and 2nd for Dia De Los Muertos).

My friend Elliott suggested we remake Blacula with Chewitel Ejiofor.  That is certainly an awesome idea, but I thought I’d throw my cape into the ring with something a bit goofy yet still kinda awesome.

EXT. AFGHAN DESERT – TWILIGHT

2 American special forces commandos stalk across the baked desert earth.  The sun has just sunk beneath the horizon, spreading red finger-like clouds up to the stars.

The CAPTAIN, a tall black man, peers down into a deep valley at a caravan through a pair of high-tech night vision goggles.

 

CAPTAIN

God damn, it’s the entire Taliban.  And it looks like

they’re going to retake afghanistan tonight.

The Captain raises his goggles and we see his face.  It is Big Daddy Kane (a.k.a. Father Time from the Outlaw Posse).

 

His 2nd in Command whispers GPS coordinates into a field radio.

 

He turns around and looks at the the Captain.  The 2nd in Command is none other than Snoop Dogg.

CAPTAIN

Where’s that air support, lieutenant?

Just then, a giant BAT flaps down behind them and transforms into BLACULA !!!

 

BLACULA

Your unit was ambushed by the Taliban.  I’m your air support now.

CAPTAIN

In that case it looks like it’s up to me, Lieutenant Dogg and

Blacula to take on the entire Taliban.

Blacula whips out a full sized coffin and flips the lid.  It is full of high powered rifles and anti-tank weapons.

 

LIEUTENANT DOGG

Fo’ shizzle.

INSERT TITLE SEQUENCE: RIDE, BLACULA, RIDE !

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